God Needed His Angel
by DarkPhoenixRises
Summary: I wrote this story for a friend that I lost. She was the first friend I lost to death. I wanted to honor her by writing this story. Hopefully you all like it


**Disclaimer: I do not own anything**

_**A/N: I wrote this story for a good friend that I lost. she was the first friend that I ever lost to death. This is my way of honoring her. I miss her a lot to this day. hopefully you all like it. **_

Death robbed me of my innocence

The night started so innocently. I was going downtown to get some ice cream, having a laugh with my family. The siren was what got my attention. It was speeding off to the hospital, I got a bad feeling in my stomach but I ignored it. I got my ice cream and still was having fun. I went to bed that night thinking about my friends and how I can't wait to see them at school on Monday.

At 3 in the morning my mom woke me up to tell me that you passed away. I was shocked, I didn't say anything. I just laid in my bed and let it all sink in. I didn't know what to think, or how to feel. How am I supposed to react when I find out one of my best friends committed suicide at the age of 16?

You were the first friend I lost. And it had to be in the worst kind of way there is to lose a friend, the most permanent. Death. Why did it have to be death? Why wasn't it that we just got into an argument and said we weren't friends anymore? Why didn't you just move away? Or go to a new school? Why did it have to be so cruel how I lost you?

I found out later that the ambulance I saw had you in it. They were rushing to save your life but they were too late. That bad feeling I got was the fact that I won't be able to see you at school on Monday. I won't be able to see you walking down the street, smiling with your other friends. I won't even be able to just call you and hear your voice one last time. This was it. You're gone. Everything that I remember about you is fading fast. Why is that? Why can't I remember what you sound like? Why can't I remember how your laugh sounds? Or how you smell? Or even how you used to be so down to earth and funny?

I'm still in shock. I haven't even cried yet. I'm in denial. Maybe they mixed your identity up with another person? Maybe you're still downtown or something? I see you're family and they have been crying. That's when I know my worst fear is true. It really was you in that ambulance. It really is you who passed away. It really is you who I won't see again. I still haven't cried. I don't want to cry in front of everyone. I just swallow the pain and keep it to myself.

After going to your family's house and confirming for sure that you're gone, I go home. To my bed. It doesn't feel like my bed anymore. It doesn't even feel like my room either. Or the place I stay. It feels so foreign. I don't know what to think anymore. I just drift into a sleepless slumber. I dream of you. I dream that you didn't die. I dream that everything was just a nightmare. Come morning, I wake up and realize it's not a nightmare. It's reality. How can I swallow this reality? How can I swallow the fact that one of my best friends is gone? That was when the tears start falling. Realizing how awful reality can be is what started the tears. And for a couple days, I would cry myself to sleep thinking of you. Wondering how you could leave me behind. Wondering how you couldn't wait for me. Wondering when I will be able to see you again. I just kept wondering and crying. No one knew. I kept the grief to myself. I didn't tell my family. For some reason, I thought they wouldn't have the answers. I was being adolescent. I was being stubborn. I didn't want anyone to know I was crying. It made me feel weak. It made me feel helpless. It made me feel powerless.

I wanted to ask God to give you a second chance at life. A second chance at being my best friend. A second chance of being someone's daughter. For some reason I couldn't identify, I knew that wouldn't happen. I knew in my heart there was no coming back for you. I started feeling hopeless, emotionless and depressed. I stopped smiling. I stopped laughing. I went to your funeral. When they opened the coffin to reveal your body one last time, you just looked like you were sleeping. You looked so peaceful. I wanted to shake you, wake you up. I wanted to yell your name. I couldn't do any of these things though because again, that same reason I couldn't identify was telling me I couldn't.

After watching you get buried, I went home to cry some more, but only during the night before I went to sleep. I kept saying "I miss you" over and over. I had a dream about you again. This time it was different though. You were with friends I've never met before. New friends I didn't know. You cut your hair and when I reached out to touch it, it was so soft. You said everything you needed to say to me without saying a word. It was like I just knew what you were telling me. You were telling me to move on. To not grieve for you anymore because where ever you may be, you made new friends. I'm allowed to miss you but I can't let it overpower me. I'm allowed to remember you but only as a distant memory. Most of all, I just have to know that you're happy. No more suffering. No more pain. Just blissfully happy. You said all of these things in my dream without even uttering a word. The only words you did say in my dream was "Tell everyone I'm happy." That morning I woke up with a smile.

To this day I still remember the way your hair felt; soft. It's been almost ten years now. Now that I look back, I realize that grieving is part of accepting death. It's still hard to believe that you're gone, but I know in my heart that you're happy. When you lose you're virginity, it isn't the only form of innocence you lose. Death is also a form of innocence you lose. It makes you realize how cruel life can be. We can't always look at death so negative though. Death also makes you more grateful for the people that are still alive in your life. It helps you cherish your loved ones that much more. Most of all though, death makes you realize just how short life can be, and to live everyday like it's your last.


End file.
